that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
