That's when you crack a 10am beer
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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