Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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