so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
