I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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