I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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