Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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