got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
