Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize