A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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