Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
