I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
