i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
