I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
