And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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