Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
