Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
