You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
