Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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