Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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