if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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