It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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