Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
