Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I will pee on everything he values.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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