Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
