and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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