So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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