Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
