Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
