if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You pole danced in your parka.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize