O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
