its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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