dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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