i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
