Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
