remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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