So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
