hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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