Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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