did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
