Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
