fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
