puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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