you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
