You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
