I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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