dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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