is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
