i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
