My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
