I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
