Your mouth is God's brothel.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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