How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
