I'm really into asian looking animals
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
