I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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