Need sex. Gaining weight.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
