North Korea, Best Korea!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
