Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
