I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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