How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
