Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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