i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
