Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
