I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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