Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
