What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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