After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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