of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
