I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
