she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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