Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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