i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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