Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
